Sunshine Fables: Thank God for Elvis

I have always wanted to be a dancer. I suppose a lot of people could say that. I never wanted to be a professional ballerina or anything like that though. I just wanted to always be dancing. Some people, when you really watch them you see, are ALWAYS dancing. When they step onto the subway- they are dancing. When they reach for their favorite coffee mug on that just a little too high shelf- they are dancing. When they are in repose, sitting, laying on the sofa- they are dancing. I don't know that I have words to explain it much better than that. Perhaps you are smiling as you read this and know exactly what I mean. My clumsy attempt to explain it is essentially the opposite of dancing. So perhaps what I mean when I say they're are always dancing, is that they are at ease. They are comfy in their own body, within their own skin, and have a sense of freedom. And that freedom gives them a joy and to me that joy is like dancing. Every movement is a marker of freedom, every movement unintentionally graceful.

I want to be a dancer. Sometimes, every once in a while, I am a dancer. I used to go to this thing called Uhuru Afrika and there I was a dancer. The music, the community, the setting inspired me and I was free. I was free and at ease and I danced. I danced for hours. I danced alone. I danced with others and I was happy. But that was only once a month and now it is even less.

This year I decided is going to be my year to be a dancer all through life. My goal is to take at least three dance classes a month. I don't think my definition of being a dancer requires that I become a formal dancer of one specific genre; however here is the thing- I don't like doing things I am not especially great at. I hated math in school and found every feasible way to avoid it (which really isn't feasible in a grownup world, but I thought for sure after college I could finally escape it. There is NO escape from math I have found). I am terrible at origami. Some friends and I were building this paper bird for a friend and I had to be emotionally dragged through the process because the paper wouldn't fold the way I needed it to and I got so gosh darn mad. It makes me mad now even thinking about it- I mean look at that run on sentence. That is a rage run on sentence! Ughh. So I am not a good dance class student either and I have done many a one off class and then never returned. My brain slows down in dance class and it's like math and paper folding all in one and I get awkward like I used to whenever Dan the Banana Man (true name. Reference Lavender) came near me. I tense up and something goes wonky with my vision and it is a mess. I went to a dance class with a friend once and at the end of the class she just kinda looked at me confused. My whole being changed in class. I wasn't assured. I wasn't confident. I was a mess and it was like I was a whole new person to her.

I think a lot of us fall apart a bit when we are challenged to do things that don't come easily. A relationship isn't easy? How often do we just walk away? A job gets too challenging? How often do we just cut our losses? For me, dancing isn't just that it is hard for me to follow the steps- it is hard for me to relax. I went to a class Monday. I tried so hard. I thought at least at the stretching parts my yoga training would be beneficial, but I was quickly informed I was not relaxing my neck enough. That came into play again as I tried a transition move. I thought I was achieving grace, but when I looked in the mirror I looked mildly constipated. My one good moment was when the teacher asked who was singing the song we were dancing too. Ever the student, I dutifully replied Elvis. Thank God for Elvis. My teacher smiled at me for the first time and the ease I felt in academic situations momentarily kicked in. At the end of class she asked to see me. "It is charming," she said. "You think you are so relaxed, but you are not relaxed at all." Very similar to something my chiropractor said to me a few months ago...

So I am going to keep dancing and going to classes. I am going to keep putting myself in uncomfortable positions because I think that it is through those uncomfortable moments that I will find my freedom, my joy. Sometimes you have to allow yourself to do things you are not good at and allow your best attempt to be ok. You have to allow yourself to not be perfect and just relax. You let your body and mind be at ease and you just let your soul dance. To me that is inner beauty (and hopefully maybe even a beautiful dance routine at some point :) ).

Akin to Ava- Glitter on the Highway

It is bitterly cold. As I walked home with my hat sadly perched atop my head as it was heavy with wetness and my boots soaked through to my equally wet socks, I couldn't help but to stop and admire the falling snow in the street lamps. The snow has an almost glittery quality. For some reason it seems more pure than any other snow I have ever seen. There is something about fresh snow on a fresh new year. It seems transformative and oddly hopeful. It bathes everything in a sense of newness.

As beautiful as it is, I was so pleased to walk into my home and watch it drift from the comfort of my window. I often feel as if the best view is from my own window. There is a comfy old pine, playful cats, and so many different colored birds. It is utterly charming and every morning when I open my blind and stare out I feel moved. How fortunate am I to have such a nice view?

I have found another who feels similarly to myself and I thought I would share this video. The maker of this video took photos from his window for 15 months and then took these photos and made a time lapse video that captures the changes in the seasons. Utterly fabulous...

 http://www.treehugger.com/natural-sciences/15-months-forests-life-shown-3-minute-time-lapse.html

I hope each of you is having a wonderful start to your New Year. Keep warm and cozy!

Happy New Year!!! I am so excited for 2014. Frankly, the last year for me has been one of transition and in 2014 I hope to transition my blog into what I really hope it to be. I fear that I may be outgrowing this format as I have some ideas for things that I am not certain how to do via blogger, but for now here we are.

As this year proceeds posts will be broken into a few 'chapters'. 'Akin to Ava' will reflect on my time spent on hikes or other rambles through nature. 'Sunshine Fables' will be stories from my own life that have touched me. And finally 'Paved Enchantment' will focus on neighborhoods throughout the city and the people who inhabit them. My sincerest hope is that this chapter especially will challenge people to reconsider parts of the city that are typically thought of with fear, apprehension, or are flatly ignored.